


Caitlin Frost

by Inconsistentaf



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Multi, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-04 22:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12177906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inconsistentaf/pseuds/Inconsistentaf
Summary: Caitlin left Team Flash 6 months ago to better understand herself and her abilities. Now that she has helped the team get Barry out of the speed force they want her to stay with them. However, Caitlin has started building a new life and is still recovering from the time she spent with Savitar. The team is still curious as to why Caitlin's Killer Frost betrayed them, but ultimately just want her to return to them. Her family.





	1. Caitlin Frost

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own The Flash, DC, or the CW. I don't own any of its characters or locations. 
> 
> Forgive my grammar as I wrote this during my grave shift at work while I was bored. I would like this to be more than a one-shot, however I get really bad cases of writers block so if you felt inspired by this piece and have something you might want me to add or write on please shoot me a comment or message or whatever. 
> 
> I do ship Snowbarry. I have nothing against WA or Iris, I just never connected with Iris as a character and so I never really shipped her with Barry. This does not mean I have anything against Candice who I think is a great actress! It is simply the fact that her character never appealed to me the same way Caitlin's did. However, in this story I do mainly just want to focus on Caitlin and her friendships with the team. There are definitely romantic Snowbarry undertones, but as of right now in the story Iris and Barry are canon. I am really just writing this piece to be a theoretical what if before season 4 premiers.

Caitlin had been working at the bar for the past 6 months and the past 6 months had been long ones. She hated working there, but it paid her bills. She had moved out of her much more nicer apartment in Central City by S.T.A.R labs to something smaller in a not so nice part of town. Caitlin had mastered the art of changing her hair color and as a woman of science was always fascinated by her new Meta DNA’s ability to change her hair color based on emotion and energy. Caitlin was aware that Barry had walked into the speed force 6 months prior, but Caitlin could not bring herself to focus on Team Flash when she herself was dealing with so many unknowns. Caitlin hated the fact that when started sharing her body between her 2 personalities that her Killer Frost personality wasn’t intelligent enough to at least wear a mask or anything that might have hidden her identity from the public. However, thankfully for Caitlin the public is not as intelligent as she would have thought because a change of hair color and outfits were all the difference in keeping her Killer Frost identity a secret. Cisco had discovered her about a month after she started working in the bar and came and visited her at work about 4-5 days out of the week. Cisco had not told Iris, Joe, or Wally about her whereabouts not wanting to give them false hope about her coming back to Team Flash and helping them find Barry.  
Caitlin knew it was selfish of her to not want to go back to S.T.A.R labs and help the team find Barry and fight criminals, but Caitlin had done some soul searching as to the reason why her powers caused her to go to such a dark place. Her cold powers wouldn’t have affected her personality if it weren’t for the fact that Caitlin harbored so much anger within herself that had been suppressed for so long. She had been mad at her mother for how she was treated after her father died. Caitlin was mad at herself for the particle accelerator explosion that killed Ronnie. She was mad at herself for not running away with Ronnie while they still could. She was mad at herself, Barry, and the team for being the reasons she lost Ronnie twice to death and the second time being final. She was mad at herself for beginning to move on from Ronnie to “Jay” who was slaughtered in front of her. She had been traumatized by that very moment, only to be further traumatized when she learned who “Jay” really was. Then when Hunter had kidnapped her and terrorized her she was mad at herself for being too weak to fight back and defend herself. Meeting Killer Frost on Earth-2 had caused her so much emotional turmoil along with watching her dopplegangers murder. Caitlin had suppressed all her angry feelings for so long that the powers had manifested themselves in such a way that made her become 2 different people. One was Caitlin Snow the woman who was able to suppress her anger and manage to move forward every day while loving everyone and everything. The other was Killer Frost the woman who no longer cared to suppress her anger and was only looking out for herself. Now, she was a mixture of both; Caitlin Frost.  
When Cisco finally put his foot down and demanded she help them bring Barry back she had agreed. However, she told him that once she helped get Barry back she would not be re-joinng the team. She had a life she was becoming used too and she was starting to build a future where she could possibly begin using her powers for good, but also for selfish reasons. If she was going to stop the bad guys like Team Flash she was not going to be doing it because of her moral compass, but instead only if she saw benefit in doing so. Caitlin knew she would never be able to go back to her old self. She had a mean streak about her now. The mean streak afforded her freedom that she had never felt before. The freedom to express herself whether it was good or bad and she did not care what anyone else though. Not Cisco. Not Barry. Not Iris. Not Joe. Not Wally.  
Barry had been back at S.T.A.R labs for the past 3 weeks and Caitlin had stuck around to help run medical tests on his physical and emotional heath. His physical health seemed to be in order and Barry was beginning to act like his old self. Iris, Joe, Wally, and Cisco had been more happier than they had been in months with both Caitlin and Barry back in S.T.A.R labs, but Caitlin hadn’t told Cisco that she still hadn’t quit her job at the bar and that she still planned on maintaining her resignation of S.T.A.R labs. Cisco and everyone at Team Flash had just assumed that once Barry and Caitlin were in the same room with them again that automatically everything would be the same again. However, Cisco and Team Flash were about to get a wakeup call. “Does everybody want to come over for Pizza at the apartment?” Iris asked as Barry and the team were finishing up reviewing his test results for the day.  
“When have I ever refused Pizza?” Cisco asked sitting next to Caitlin.  
“Caitlin?” Barry asked looking at her for an answer. Caitlin hadn’t even heard Iris’s question as she was too focused comparing Barry’s DNA results to his DNA results a year ago. Caitlin looked up at Barry confused “What?” she asked.  
“Pizza at the apartment?” he asked her with only a slight touch of tension in his voice. While things were feeling much more lighter and normal at Team Flash this would be the first time since Barry came home that they would be hanging out outside of S.T.A.R labs. Everyone seemed to look over at Caitlin awaiting her response. “Oh, I can’t make it. Thanks for the invite” she said looking back at the computer screen missing the looks exchanged between Cisco and Barry.  
“Got other plans?” Cisco asked attempting to sound nonchalant.  
“Yeah, you could say that” Caitlin said not even looking up and typing something on to the computer.  
“What are you doing on a Friday night? Do you have a date?” Iris asked genuinely curious as to what Caitlin could be doing on a Friday night.  
“I have work” Caitlin said logging off the computer and standing up to get her jacket.  
“What work?” Barry asked confused. Cisco has agreed not to mention Caitlin’s other job to the team, but he also had assumed that she quit her job when she started working at S.T.A.R labs again even after she told him she wouldn’t. “The bar. I got to go or I am going to be late for my shift. I’ll see you guys Monday? I say we have about three more tests to run before we can account what happened to you in the speed force and what your powers are now capable of. After that I will be returning to work at the bar full time and you can go back to kicking bad guys butt full time” she said saluting and walking out of the room.  
The room remained silent after Caitlin walked away with people unsure of how to react or what to say. “I thought once she came back here and everyone was back together she would want to stay with us” Cisco said looking down at the desk with a sense of loss.  
“We all did” Iris said coming up behind Cisco and gently rubbing his back to give him comfort.  
“Maybe I should go talk to her tonight” Barry said. “Pizza tomorrow night?” he asked. Everyone agreed and got ready to head home when Cisco approached Barry before he could follow Caitlin to work. “Listen, Barr she isn’t the same Caitlin. She is literally and mentally much colder of a person than we remember. Her being able to control her powers doesn’t mean she completely supresses them. She won’t give you a lot of information, but I can tell you right now she is up to something. Part of something. Maybe even something sinister, but she holds her own against me, against us. She won’t be phased by your concern for her. She isn’t Caitlin Snow. She's Caitlin Frost” Cisco told Barry.  
On the run to the bar that Cisco told Barry she worked at he could not help, but feel sick to his stomach when he saw the side of town she worked on. The bar was not like the nice bars that he and the team had been too on occasion, but this was clearly a far more “trashier” bar that sold cheap alcohol and hired pretty girls to serve drinks and dance. When Barry walked into the bar he had almost the immediate sense that the type of people who hung around this bar were the type of people he helped arrest as a CSI. He found Caitlin mixing a drink at the bar and was relieved to see that she was wearing the same outfit that she wore at work and was not dressed down in any other way. Caitlin showed a lot more skin than she ever did as her old self, but Barry didn’t think he could handle it if she stripped down any less especially in a place like this. Caitlin looked up and saw Barry standing in front of her and was only surprised for a second, before it occurred to her that Cisco must have sent him. “What are you doing here” she asked Barry handing the drink she just made to the customer who had ordered it.  
“I just wanted to see where you worked your second job” Barry said going back to looking around the bar.  
“Actually, its S.T.A.R labs that is technically my second job” Caitlin responded grabbing a towel to wipe off the counter.  
“Actually, you are a scientist not a bartender, so this would be your second job” Barry decided to challenge her back with. She stopped wiping the counter and looked up at him and gave him one of her best Killer Frost glares “not anymore” she said.  
Barry had only been home for 3 weeks, but there are things that he had seen in the speed force regarding Caitlin that had haunted him and will continue to haunt him. He had seen the multiple futures of everyone on Team Flash, but the one he felt most guilty about was Caitlin. She had the most beautiful futures and all those futures were taken away in part by him. She could have been with Ronnie. She could have been a successful scientist. She could have had a normal beautiful life, but instead she was working at some trashy bar fighting with an inner demon that threatened to take her away from him and the Team. “Cait, why don’t you want to come back to us? Permanently.” Barry asked. Caitlin was not phased by his question.  
“Because I have a new life and there is no room for any of you in it” she responded coldly. Barry felt an immediate sense of pain and hurt at her words.  
“Caitlin, you don’t belong here” Barry said forcefully.  
“I don’t belong at S.T.A.R labs either” Caitlin said focusing her attention back on her initial task at getting the counter clean.  
“Yes you do Cait. I meant what I said 6 months ago. We are family. You belong with us. Back at Team Flash. Living and working on this side of town is unnecessary and unsafe” Barry said. Caitlin could not help, but scoff at Barry’s statement.  
“I think we both know I can hold my own against some psycho” Caitlin said.  
“That’s not the point” Barry said. “The point is that we want you back at S.T.A.R labs. We can get you a new apartment by the lab and we’ll help you move your stuff.” Caitlin looked up at him and gave him something that could only be described as a cruel smile.  
“No.” she said. Barry should not have been taken aback, but he was. How could Caitlin have said no. Barry knew that Cisco had prepared him the best he could for this new Caitlin, but she was so different here as to opposed when she was helping Barry run his medical tests at S.T.A.R labs.  
It had occurred to Barry that he had never fully caught up with Caitlin or even made sure he fully understood what was going on with her. Barry couldn’t blame himself as he was only starting to feel his normal self in the past week. Before that he was in and out of understanding what was going on around him. “Cait” he said brokenly. Cait’s words as Killer Frost had always managed to make him hurt, but the difference was that when he looked at Caitlin this time he didn’t see Killer Frost. He only saw Caitlin. Killer Frost’s piercing blue eyes had always shown her anger, but when Barry looked at Caitlin all he saw were Killer Frost’s anger being her brown eyes. “I want nothing to do with Team Flash” Caitlin said. “I have my own agenda”. Her comment struck a cord with Barry. Agenda? What agenda did Caitlin have? He looked at her thoughtfully as she scrubbed at the counter trying to get rid of the sticky alcohol stain. “Why did you team up with Savitar?” Barry heard himself ask before he fully understood the consequence of asking her such a question. Caitlin stopped scrubbing at the stain and remained staring at the table while Barry looked at her hardly waiting for her response. Barry completed regretted asking her that question considering the time and place, but he needed to know what was going through her head. Caitlin looked at him with a steely gave and then gave him thoughtful look. “That’s a brave question Barry. In fact you are the only one who has been brave enough to ask it since I have managed to learn to control my powers. I am gonna give you the same response I gave Iris when she asked Killer Frost. That’s my business” Caitlin said.  
Barry felt anger at her. This was Caitlin and it was Caitlin testing him just as Killer Frost tested him. “You were okay with Savitar killing Iris?” Barry decided to push. If Caitlin was going to push him then he was going to push her.  
“I had things at stake too, Barry” Caitlin said forcefully making intense eye contact with him.  
“What things, Caitlin? What things did you have at stake? Because I had the love of my life at stake!” Barry had to keep himself from yelling too loud as to disrupt the entire bar. “Well, I did too!” Caitlin heard herself shout back at him before she could hold her tongue. Caitlin had made a pact with herself to not tell anyone of the plans she had made with Savitar and of the things he had promised her, but it slipped from her mouth before she could catch herself. Barry seemed confused by her answer and gently reached out to touch her hand. “What do you mean? Who are you talking about?” Barry asked. Caitlin snatched her hand away from Barry and glared at him, mad at how she had managed to keep her mouth shut for 6 months around Cisco but not even a month around Barry. “Savitar promised me a lot of things Barry. But, Ronnie. Ronnie was his ace in the hole. He said he could and would bring him back.” Caitlin said finally telling Barry why she was willing to do anything Savitar asked her to do, but there was something Barry and the team had never taken into account regarding Killer Frost. “I tried to help you, you know?” Caitlin said making Barry look up at her with tears starting to form in his eyes. “As Killer Frost I was dropping you hints left and right about Savitar’s identity. I knew you would win Barry, because thats what you always do. When do you ever lose? You don't. That’s what the rest of us do. Lose.” Caitlin said looking Barry straight in the eyes.  
Barry felt his heart breaking for Caitlin, but Barry knew he had to come to peace with what happened in the speed force and flashpoint. Barry could’nt live with the guilt that Caitlin was thrusting on him. The only thing that Barry could do was find a way to help her and help her make peace with what her life was and he was going to do just that.


	2. Tight Leash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Per usual I don't own The Flash, DC, or the CW. Don't own any of its characters or its locations. 
> 
> Please forgive my grammar. I am just writing this because I am bored and I am doing the best I can to make this piece of work as logical as it can be.

Barry had decided that the best course of action to help Caitlin was to get Caitlin out of the south side of Central City and to get her to quit her job at the bar. However, talking with Cisco only assured Barry that he would have to take drastic measures to insure he achieved his goal of helping Caitlin. Barry loved his job as both a CSI and the Flash, but people tended to forget that Barry was a billionaire who owned S.T.A.R labs and was left a large sum of money thanks to the first Harrison Wells. Barry decided that buying Caitlin's job and apartment were the only feasible options to getting her to listen to him. Barry was aware that his tactic was both disgustingly manipulative and controlling, but Caitlin would not listen to him any other way. Cisco and Barry had managed to track down the exact complex that Caitlin was living in and Barry had called the owners a week prior to his confrontation with Caitlin to make a very generous offer.   
The apartment complex lacked serious upkeep and Barry, Cisco, and the real estate agent they had hired to help price the complex came to the conclusion that the complex was probably only worth 300 grand and so Barry made an offer at 350. Barry figured that he could probably invest in maintenance and upkeep of the complex and actually make some money out of the horrible situation. The owners accepted the offer and Barry was now able to decide who got to live in his complex. Barry didn't need to look over the list of tenants as only one of them would be evicted. Barry had also made an offer on Caitlin's bar and it was sold for 95 grand and once again Barry figured he could make money off the situation with only one person he needed to fire.   
It was a Friday night and Barry and Cisco decided that they would go by Caitlin's apartment and begin packing her belongings into boxes since she would be evicted and fired from her job that night. While Barry and Cisco were completely aware of all the privacy violations they were submitting their friend too they knew they had to do what they had to do. They couldn't and wouldn't take a chance on waiting for Caitlin to willingly reenter their lives. The feared it would never come and so they had to take matters into their own hands.   
When Caitlin got home that night she sensed that there were people in her apartment and she got her hands at the ready to fire at any potential thiefs or weirdos. She slowly entered her apartment as quietly as she could before she heard a familiar laugh. Cisco? Caitlin put her hands down and walked through her awkward kitchen straight to the living room where she saw Barry and Cisco sitting on her couch packing away her family photos. "What are you guys doing in my apartment?" Caitlin asked as calmly as she could while Barry and Cisco finally looked up at her. "Oh! You are home! Thank goodness. We could use your help" Cisco said motioning her to sit on the couch next to him. Caitlin did not budge a muscle. "I said what are you doing in my apartment?" Caitlin asked this time while gritting her teeth. Both Barry and Cisco were testing her very short patience. "We are helping you move" Barry said. Caitlin shot a menacing look at Barry.   
"What are you talking about?" Caitlin asked. "I am not moving anywhere." Barry stood up and pulled an envelope out of his back pocket and reached out to hand it to her. "Actually Cait, you are" Barry said as gently as he could. Caitlin snatched the envelope out of Barry's hands and began opening it and reading it over.   
"An eviction notice? How did you get this?" Caitlin demanded.   
"I own the apartment complex now, Cait. I am evicting you." Barry said both forcefully and gently at the same time.   
"Why? I pay my rent on time each month!" Caitlin said legit confused as to why she of all people would be evicted.   
"This is not about you being a bad tenant Cait. This is about you living too far from home and working at the wrong job" Barry said.  
"You can evict me, but I will find another place to live" Caitlin said.   
"Not tonight you won't and I certainly won't be endorsing you as a tenant to live anywhere but on the north side of Central City" Barry said. Caitlin looked at him for a long time trying her best to fight every urge she had to punch Barry in the face. "I still have my job" Caitlin bit out.   
"But you don't" Cisco said before he realized that it had slipped out of his mouth. Both Caitlin and Barry snapped their necks to look at him with faces that largely read "what the hell?". "I own the bar you work at Caitlin. Your termination is effective immediately" Barry said.   
Caitlin felt as if the wind was being knocked out of her. She couldn't believe that Barry was taking away her job and her home all in one night. He was no better than Savitar. Savitar was controlling of Caitlin in a lot of ways. Savitar had kept a tight leash around her neck just as Zoom had kept a tight leash around Killer Frost on Earth 2s neck. Caitlin had realized that even though she had incredible powers she would always be at the mercy of someone else. And here Caitlin was once again. At the mercy of Barry and Cisco and neither one of them looked like they were going to grant her mercy. She had no job and no home. Barry was willing to make sure she was never housed anywhere, but where he wanted her to live. He was going to make sure that she didn't work anywhere where he did not want her work. Caitlin had a nest of money saved up, but she was never going to be able to outrun The Flash. He would find her in less than 2 hours no matter what part of the country she decided to run off too. "You are just like him" Caitlin said. Caitlin decided she would approach the situation in a way that made him feel like the bad guy. It was worth a shot. Barry looked at her intensely "What do you mean?" he asked.   
"I mean" said Caitlin "that you are just like Savitar and...just like Zoom and really just like any male who has ever tried to keep me on a tight leash. It's actions like these, Barry that helped me transform into Killer Frost. It never feels good to be controlled" Caitlin said glaring at Barry and then back at Cisco. Caitlin could sense that both of them were starting to feel unsure of their decision to handle the situation the way they were handling the situation. However, Barry cleared his throat and looked Caitlin in they eye "I am not trying to control you. I am trying to help you. You won't accept our help so I had to go through with some drastic measures to help you" Barry said.   
"No, Barry you are just controlling me. You are taking everything from me to leaving me dependent on you" Caitlin growled out.   
"If making you dependent of me and Cisco and anyone else is the way to help you then I have no issue doing so" Barry bit out. Caitlin sneered at him in response.   
"Whatever helps you sleep at night Barry, but no matter where you set me up for the night or for the rest of my life. You should know I have other friends and other obligations outside of you and Team Flash" Caitlin said.   
"What obligations?" Cisco asked.  
"What friends?" Barry asked.   
"That's. My. Business" Caitlin bit out every word. "Where am I staying for the night, Mr. Landlord?"   
"My apartment" Barry said. "Get packing". Barry turned around and continued packing away Caitlin's pictures managing to look at every one of them hoping to find the hope he was so desperately looking for.


	3. Gonna get her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own The Flash, DC, or the CW 
> 
> This is pretty much a flashback chapter.

Barry remembered the moment he raced to S.T.A.R labs to rescue Julian, Cisco, and H.R from Caitlin. Last he had heard was that she was going to be okay once they got the shrapnel out of her kidney, but there she was standing in front of him completely mutated into Killer Frost. Barry pleaded with her to fight her Killer Frost side and her response forever seemed to confuse and haunt him. She said "I know, but I don't want too". Caitlin knew she could fight her inner demon, but in that moment and many moments that followed she never wanted too. Barry was confused as to why she wouldn't want to fight it like she fought it last time. Barry had decided that since she was never fully mutated into Killer Frost the last time that still meant Caitlin had enough power. However, maybe Caitlin had become so far supressed when her heart stopped beating that is what allowed Killer Frost to win over.  
Once Caitlin had escaped S.T.A.R labs he demanded that Cisco and Julian tell him what happened. "She died" Julian had said barley holding back his tears of frustration and grief. Barry felt his breath caught in his throat. "Her heart stopped. We tried to resuscitate her, but the only way was to take off her necklace" Julian continued. Caitlin had died and he wasn't there. He wasn't there to save her. To race her to the hospital. To help her or protect her. Julian decided to pull up S.T.A.R labs security video of Caitlin dying so that they could see if there was anything they missed or anything she might have taken from the labs when she transformed. Watching Cisco attempt to fill Caitlin's lungs with air and Julian perform CPR on an unresponsive Caitlin was one of the hardest things he had ever had to watch. The emotions Barry was feeling were similar to the emotions that Barry felt when he had watched Iris die in front of him. Except he was now watching Caitlin die in the present and not Iris dying in the future and he had'nt even been there for Caitlin. Barry looked to Cisco who looked extremely broken and angry while glaring Julian. Cisco had tears that were clearly threatening to fall from his eyes. "We should have taken her to the hospital" Cisco gritted out. Barry could'nt imagine the pain that Cisco was going through. Caitlin was Cisco's sister. His family. Watching Cisco trying to save Caitlin was almost as devastating as everything else. Caitlin was also Barry's family and with that came a certain level of responsibility that Barry had for Caitlin.  
"And what then Cisco? Have her taken away from us?" Julian demanded.  
"She would be alive and Caitlin and we could have fought to keep her out of prison!" Cisco yelled.  
"Or she would just be dead Cisco! I saved her! We can still bring Caitlin back from Killer Frost, but not if she is 6 feet underground" Julian yelled right back at Cisco.  
"It's not what she wanted." H.R said finally speaking from the corner he was awkwardly trying to hide in.  
"I don't care what she wanted! Is this what all of you wanted? Huh? Barry? You would rather have her dead then Killer Frost? Would you have Caitlin die to change the future to save Iris? Was it Caitlin over Iris to you? We all know you would have chosen Iris over Caitlin! Does she mean anything to any of you? Because she means something to me and I wasn't gonna let her die no matter what! No matter who's future would have Changed!" Julian shouted at Barry.  
Every word Julian was spewing from his mouth about Barry choosing between Iris and Caitlin was making his blood boil. It was never a Caitlin or Iris, it was always Caitlin and Iris. They both needed to be saved from their futures. When Caitlin had told Cisco that she would rather die then let Cisco rip her necklace off Barry had a few choice words to say in response to her. He wanted to tell her that she would have to freeze hell over with her stupid cold powers before he let that happen. He wanted to tell her that her life wasn't her choice to make even though by all ethical standards it was. He wanted to tell her to shut her mouth and focus on breathing, because that's the only thing she would be doing for a long time. However, since she was in the middle of guiding Julian through her own surgery he decided to stay quiet, but ultimately that was never an option for her or Barry. Barry would have made the exact same decision as Julian. However, Barry was not going to allow Julian to accuse him of not caring about Caitlin's life. "Shut up!" Barry yelled at Julian. Julian took a step back from the force that was exerted from Barry's words. "I would have done the exact same thing, Cisco" Barry said turning to Cisco. Barry then turned to Julian "Don't you dare act like you are the only person in this room that loves her, Julian. We all love her. We are all going to save her" Barry said. Cisco looked up at him with anger in eyes. "I would have taken her to the hospital" Cisco ground out. Barry bit his tongue from lanshing out at Cisco for his comment. None of that mattered anymore. Caitlin had transformed and they needed to find a solution and a cure for her. There was no need to beat a dead horse about how the situation should have been handled, but it seemed no one was ready to end the subject. Barry was about to say something when he was interrupted.  
"May I say something?" H.R said speaking up again. No one responded to him. The air was thick with tension and it was obvious that everyone was angry at everyone for what happened. Even Barry figured that if this conversation had to happen right now then he would let it. Everyone seemed to be trying to find someone or something to blame for Caitlin's death.  
"None of you guys were ever going to listen to Caitlin's wishes" H.R said. "Caitlin didn't want to go to the hospital and yet that seems to be the only thing you would have done differently, Francisco. Caitlin said she would rather have died then become Killer Frost and yet Julian ignored her wishes on that as well. BA wasn't even here when she died, but we all know he would have helped save Caitlin even if that meant taking off her necklace. What I am trying to say is you guys are all horrible friends and instead of blaming one another we should probably go be good friends and find her" H.R said.  
It pained all three of the men to hear what H.R said, but he wasn't wrong. Caitlin had told them not to take her to the hospital and to let her die if it came to it, but looking around Barry knew that Cisco wasn't actually mad that Julian rescued Caitlin from the grave. Cisco was still reeling from watching Caitlin die in front of him and wasn't sure how he was processing his emotions. Cisco even knew deep down that he was glad that Julian didn't let her die in front of him, but now he was just afraid that even though Killer Frost was alive that didn't mean Caitlin was. That didn't mean that Caitlin still couldn't be caught and arrested and sentenced to Prison. That didn't even mean if they found her they would ever be able to pull Caitlin out from Killer Frost. Barry knew even more in this moment that he had to race to the future to see what he could learn about Savitar, Caitlin, and Iris.  
When Barry returned from the future and told the team about Caitlin teaming up with Savitar it confused everyone and Barry couldn't blame them. Killer Frost didn't divulge as to why she teamed up with him nor told him who Savitar was. Having meant an 8 year older Caitlin had him thinking about how important changing the future was to not only Iris, but for Caitlin. Future Barry, Julian, and Cisco had kept her locked away in a life that she was barley struggling to survive in. Barry could see how cruel Caitlin had become, but there was death and hopelessness in her eyes and he was going to change that. And change is what happened when H.R Wells sacrificed himself for Iris just months later. The future was changed and Iris wasn't dead and Caitlin had found strength in fighting both Savitar and Killer Frost.  
Now, that Barry was out of the speed force and he had seen the the multiple futures of his friends, he felt he had the duty to help make the best futures they had possible. However, Barry was never quite able to see his own future because his own future was uncertain while he was in the speed force. Barry being trapped in the speed force perpetually made any sort of realistic future of his unknown. He could only see the futures of all the time lines he messed up as well as the futures of the people he loved without him. Caitlin's future without him was a grim one. She had many futures that were beautiful before the time lime was effected and when certain major events revolving around Barry had taken place to change her future. But, Caitlin's future without him and team Flash was heartbreaking just as everyone else's life was. However, everyone he loved except Caitlin was able to bounce back from his loss. Even Iris. Caitlin's future was a short and tragic one. Barry did'nt like thinking about it now that he knew without a doubt he could prevent it from happening. Once Caitlin had left the team like she had done she worked at the bar for 6 years and then she met a meta human man who she fell in love with. Barry was unclear if their marriage had much love involved and wasn't more of a partnership than anything. The man was not good to her and she was not good to him. Her marriage consisted of infidelity and both of them being meta-humans meant for some disgusting fights. Caitlin had 2 children who she treated the best she could under the conditions of both of their parents being meta and Caitlin being a literal cold-hearted bitch. Cisco and Caitlin stopped talking about a year after she left S.T.A.R labs and they never crossed paths again. Then Barry saw Caitlin die. He saw her being myrdered by her husband and his friends. He saw her get killed in front of her teenage children. He never looked at her future close enough to understand where everything fell apart for her and Cisco. Or why she married who she married or why her husband murdered her in front of their kids.  
Barry just knew that, because he was out of the speed force her future was changed. He always did his best to push out the nasty futures all his friends once had now that he was back. Barry had no intention of locking her up like Julian did 8 years in the future after Iris died. Barry had no intention letting her work at the bar where she met the man who she would eventually love, marry, and be murdered by. Caitlin was his family. He loved her. He loved her more than he could comprehend sometimes. His love for hers was more than a sister. He loved her in almost the same way he loved Iris. Barry knew that he wasn't in love with Caitlin or at least he didn't think he was in love with Caitlin. He was in love with Iris. He was sure he was, but he was also developing feelings for Caitlin.  
Barry decided that no matter what it was clear that even though "Caitlin" was back she was still sick. He needed to help Caitlin come back to him and the team, before he could begin analyzing whatever emotions he had for her. Right now he had both Iris and Caitlin in his apartment he shared with Iris and he loved them both and he would protect them both. They were both his family and that is what is important to Barry.


	4. Don't wait up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own The Flash, CW, or DC. I don't own anything. Except the few made up characters I am writing in this chapter.

Caitlin had been living with Barry and Iris for a week and it had been an awkward and long one. Every morning Iris would make a big breakfast for all of them to which Caitlin spited her by making herself a bowl of cereal. Then Barry would flash both Iris and Caitlin to S.T.A.R labs where they continued testing Barry's abilities, working on improving his powers, and fighting whatever threat may have popped up on the computer. Caitlin would for the most part remain silent throughout the day avoiding any conversation that the rest of the team tried to engage her in. Caitlin would then walk to CC Jitters for lunch by herself and then return promptly one hour later and return to her lab research. Cisco was trying his hardest to get Caitlin to engage in anything that made them what they once where, but Caitlin maintained her cold front around him and everyone else.  
After work Barry would flash Caitlin and Iris home, where Iris and Barry would make a big dinner together for all of them. Of course, Caitlin would usually grab a tv dinner out of the freezer, heat it up and then take it back to the guest room. Barry and Iris had given Caitlin their guest room, but Caitlin refused to completely unpack her stuff. She wanted to believe that she would not be staying much longer in the unofficial West-Allen household. Caitlin had snuck out of the apartment almost every night since she had arrived at the apartment and was lucky that people as observant as Barry and Iris never noticed. Caitlin had friends with whom she had business with. Business that was not entirely legal, but also not entirely criminal. There was a very fine line between it being criminal and it being moderately good for society.  
Caitlin had a group of friends with which she helped rob wealthy corporate CEOs of Central City and in return they kept a percentage of what they stole and gave the rest to the poorer citizens of Central City. It was the people that Caitlin had seen living on the streets when she was employed at the bar and living on the south side of Central City. Caitlin personally never kept any of the money that she stole. She only gave it to the people in need, but it didn't mean that she wasn't breaking any less laws by giving the money she stole to the poor. Caitlin had heard the story of Robin Hood many times and many times people looked to Robin Hood as more of a hero than a villain, but Caitlin's inner Killer Frost needed to be doing something bad. Caitlin refused to pretend to be the near "perfect" scientist she once was or at least pretended to be. She still had some evil in her and the only way to sate that was to be doing some sort of bad in the world. Stealing was wrong, so Caitlin enjoyed it. Helping the impoverished was good, so that also gave Caitlin some sort of enjoyment. It was a win-win in Caitlin's eyes.  
Once Caitlin, got home on Friday she immediately avoided Barry and Iris and went to the guest room to get ready for the heist that night. Caitlin never used her cold powers during a heist as it would have Barry and the rest of the team up her ass. Caitlin and her friends used their brains to steal from the wealthy and to break into their homes. She worked with 3 other people on her heists; Chris, Ryan, and Matilda. Chris, Ryan, and Caitlin would do the actual breaking in part and Matilda was the lookout and usually the person to misguide the police. So, when Caitlin, Ryan, and Chris emerged from the house they would make a run to the bus stop and Matilda would act like a witness on occasion. She wore different disguises overtime, but the hope was that they would all get to the bus inconspicuously before the cops arrived. Or worse; the Flash. Caitlin had met Ryan and Matilda in her old apartment building and she had met Chris at the bar. Ryan and Matilda were twins who attended Central City's small community college on the south side. Chris and Caitlin had met at the bar and had, had a fling of some sort, but nothing came from it. One day, in the lobby of their apartment complex they saw a police officer beating down a homeless man for entering the building and asking tenants for any possible help from food to cash. Caitlin had to restrain every cell in her body from using her cold powers to take down the disgrace of an officer. After that Ryan, Matilda and her had, had a long talk about everything wrong with how the city treated the homeless and poor people. Then Caitlin had told them about being Killer Frost and they weren't upset to hear that from her in the least. In fact they said they thought the videos of her ice surfing throughout the streets of Central City were pretty bad ass. It was in that moment that Ryan proposed they started stealing money and goods from the wealthy to give to the poor. Ryan insisted that Caitlin's powers would make it impossible for the police to catch them, but then Caitlin had to remind them that even if the police couldn't catch her there was a certain meta that could. Caitlin did not tell them she used to work with the Flash as she didn't believe it was pertinent or interesting information at the time. Caitlin decided that she could still be a huge asset to the team if they actually ever decided to go through with the robberies. Her scientific background would make it so that they could almost completely leave no trace of breaking in. Two weeks later, Caitlin approached Chris with the idea and he was thrilled with the prospect of becoming one of Central City's Robin Hoods. Caitlin had decided to ask Chris if he wanted to help, because she knew he was smart, had a rough background growing up on the south side, and was overall someone who could use the money. The group had agreed to keep a total of 30% of whatever they stole. It would have been 40%, but Caitlin didn't want her share of the money. Caitlin didn't blame her friends for each keeping 10% of whatever they took, it wasn't like her friends were living in the lap of luxury and they were putting everything on the line to help the impoverished of Central City. That had to be commended.  
Barry and Iris usually retired to their bedroom for the night around 10. Caitlin didn't like thinking about what they could be doing when it was still so 'early" in the night. Well, it was early for young adults to be retiring at 10. However, tonight was the first night since Caitlin had arrived that Barry and Iris had not retired early. Instead she came out of her room and down the stairs to the living room of the loft to find Barry, Iris, Wally, Cisco, and Joe all watching a movie in the living room. Caitlin was annoyed to find them in the living room to say the least. There was no way in hell she could just walk out of the apartment without them questioning where was going? Who was she going with? What she was doing? And all the stupid questions her mom should have asked when she was a teenager, but never did. She heard the movie pause as she entered the room. "Caitlin! We thought you were sick or something? You didn't come downstairs for dinner" Iris said clearly taken off guard by her presence. Caitlin was always talented at thinking fast on her feet as doctor and she knew she could use Iris's words to her advantage. "Oh, yeah! I was not feeling too good today so I just decided to take a nap. I am feeling a lot better and hungrier now so I'm just gonna run down to the drug store and get some medicine and then maybe go grab some dinner at the 24 hour diner. I am probably gonna be back late, so don't wait up". Caitlin said feeling fairly proud of her excuse. Well, she was feeling pretty proud until she saw a blur in front of her eyes and 10 seconds later return with a bag in it's hand. "Here you go, Cait. I picked up every cold medicine I could find" Barry said. "Oh! And there is plenty of left overs from dinner if you want something to eat" he said. Caitlin stiffly accepted the bag from his hands. "Thank you, Barry" she said taking a gulp. Now, she was starting to stress out a little. She was supposed to be meeting the group at Ryan and Matilda's apartment in 45 minutes and she needed to catch the bus there in 10 minutes. "Do you want me to heat you something up?" Iris asked starting to get up.  
"No!" Caitlin said a bit more loudly then she had meant to. Everyone's head snapped to her and looked at her curiously. "I mean I can heat it up Iris, you don't need to get up on my account, but actually I could use some air. I am feeling pretty hot" Caitlin said trying to sound as exasperated as she could.  
"How?" Cisco asked genuinely curious. Before she knew it Barry had the back of his hand on her forehead.  
"You don't feel hot. In fact, I am pretty sure your body temp can never be "hot"." Barry said seriously. Caitlin was running out of excuses fast.  
"Yes, but you know I haven't left this apartment or S.T.A.R labs in a week and I could just use some space, you know?" Caitlin said just hoping they would openly accept the fact that people just need their space sometimes. "Yes, but if you are sick Cait do you really think you should be walking around Central City alone at 10'o clock at night till however long you are planning to stay out?" Barry asked her crossing his arms. Was Barry testing her?  
"You aren't my dad Barry, or my brother, or really my anything. So, why do I feel like you want to lock me up in my bedroom as if I have been an unruly disobedient teenager?" Caitlin said crossing her arms and taking his identical stance. Caitlin could see the hurt flash across Barry's features when she told him he wasn't her everything. "Haven't you?" Cisco asked. Caitlin snapped her eyes to Cisco and glared at him.  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Caitlin asked trying to not to sound to agitated or icy.  
"It means that you can't really blame us for not entirely trusting you, after everything that happened with Savitar" Cisco said.  
"Cisco-" Iris started with the obvious intent of warning him about bringing up Savitar in front of Caitlin. Caitlin took a deep breath in and looked back at Barry.  
"You can trust me" she said lying through her teeth. "I just want to be left alone. I like going on late night walks by myself. It clears my head and I did it all the time when I lived on the other side of town. You know? The side you deemed too dangerous for me to live on?" Caitlin said.  
"Cait-" Barry started when Wally interrupted him.  
"Let her go Barr, it's obvious she just wants to be left alone to process everything. She hasn't done anything to make us not trust her since she came back into our lives. She helped us get you out of the speed force. She let you and Cisco take her apartment and job. She came back to work at S.T.A.R labs. I know what its like to have your life uprooted by people who love you and only want the best for you. It can be hard, and sometimes you just need to be alone" Wally said. Caitlin looked over at Wally and gave him a smile of thanks. Barry looked down and then at Caitlin "What time do you think you are gonna be home?" Barry asked. Caitlin just wanted to scream in frustration. She didn't know when she would be back from her heist! On top of that sh was now only down to 6 minutes to get to the bus station which meant she would have to run there. If she didn't get out of the apartment in the next minute she was going to have to sprint to the station. "I don't know. Late" Caitlin said. "Where are you going?" Barry asked.  
"No where in particular" Caitlin said just deciding to cooperate by answering his questions no matter if they were dishonest or not. Although she wanted ring Barry's neck for trying to act like her dad or something. Barry walked over to the kitchen and started rifling through one of the drawers and Caitlin was starting to lose patience as she needed to leave or they would have to delay the heist by 20 minutes. It wasn't a lot, but timing was important in their line of work. Robbing that is. Barry then pulled out a metal looking bracelet from the drawer and walked over to Caitlin and grabbed her wrist. He snapped on the bracelet and it immediately tightened around her wrist so that she was unable to take it off. Although, that is what Caitlin immediately tried doing. "What is it?" Caitlin asked attempting to pull it off. "It's a tracking chip. In case anything happens we want to know where you are" Barry said. Caitlin felt her eyes change color for just a moment from all the anger she was feeling and the look on Barry's face conveyed to her that he had seen the change in eye color. "Don't you think I can take care of myself?" Caitlin said clenching her teeth. "Cait" Barry said looking at her with concern. "It isn't about you being able to take care of yourself. If you need me I want to be there to help you" Barry said putting his arm on her shoulder and bending down to look her in the eyes. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked.  
"Yes" She snapped pushing his hand off her.  
This meant a huge change in plans for her and her friends. There was no way in hell if Barry saw her tracking device cross over to the south side of town that he wouldn't try to follow her. Hell, there was no guarantee that Barry wasn't gonna follow her around tonight while she wasn't even on the south side. She would just have to meet the group at their location; Robert Cox's house. All the places they robbed took place closer to S.T.A.R labs and Barry's apartment than where they usually met, but they met at Ryan's apartment to make sure the plan was clear and perfect and they had all the gadgets they needed. Tonight would be the night that they would have to have that discussion over the phone and on streets of Central City. None of them had a car since Caitlin had sold hers for rent money months ago. So, Caitlin's best bet was to call her friends, tell them to bring basically everything, and to get their asses to the location. It wasn't horrible and they wouldn't be off time anymore if they just met her at the location, but it was more stressful to have to loiter around the location longer than necessary to talk over the plan. "To be clear Barry, you aren't my keeper. So, you need to get over this real fast" she said holding up her wrist.  
"He gave me one too" Iris said showing her wrist. Caitlin looked from Iris to Barry and then back to Iris and could not help the laugh from escaping her throat.  
"You are a piece of work" Caitlin laughed. "I am assuming everyone else will be getting one?" Caitlin asked.  
"They already do. Wally's in his suit on his ring. I gave Joe a ring, and Cisco is still working on his." Barry said. Caitlin gave him a tight smile.  
"Yeah, initially I wanted it on my phone, but Barry said it had to be on my person. My phone is always on my person, but Barry said it had to basically be some sort of jewelry so bad guys wouldn't try to take it off us" Cisco said. Caitlin just sighed and looked past Barry at the door.  
"Cool story bro, can I go now? Caitlin asked holding back all her anger.  
Killer Frost was dying to get out of Caitlin. Anytime Caitlin got severely pissed off, Killer Frost needed to be let out. Caitlin didn't have anger management problems, it was just only during times her anger and stress levels rose that the big bad in her had to be released. Caitlin had already mastered keeping her cool 90% of the time, but it was times like this that made her understand why she turned evil in the first place. It was a question she thought she knew the answer to, but she didn't want to put the blame on everyone. She didn't want to say that most of her anger came from being on Team Flash, but it did. A lot of the anger was at herself as well, but she was learning to forgive herself. She just wondered if Team Flash was beginning to forgive her as well. Never had they given her as much unwanted attention as they did now and she hated it. "Sure" Barry said looking down with his arm still crossed. Caitlin shoved past him knocking his shoulder and walked to the door. "Don't follow me and don't wait up for me" she said slamming the door behind her.


	5. You should understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the Flash, CW, or DC.

Caitlin had called Ryan and told him that her cousin was super overprotective and had held her up in the apartment for so long that there really was no time for Caitlin to catch a bus over there just to come back. That was the only excuse she could think of at the time when Cisco and Barry had moved her out of her apartment and fired her from her job. She obviously was not going to tell her friends that she was living with the Flash and he had put a tracker on her wrist. It was out of the question, so she told them that her long lost cousin had found her and demanded she move in with him or he would contact her mom. Her friends knew her well enough to know that Caitlin and her mom had, had a rough past. Caitlin instructed the group to bring everything and they would hold the meeting a block away from their designation. Caitlin decided that she would meet them at the bus station that they would be getting off at. It was only 5 blocks away from Robert Cox's house.  
The walk was a quiet one seeing as Central City's night life had died out a lot more in the past few months since meta's like Caitlin had been terrorizing people. People still partied and went to bars, but no one was really seen walking around the city as late as she was. Caitlin spent most of her walk cursing to herself trying to get the damned bracelet off her wrist, but it was like glued to her skin. She had to remember to ask what kind of metallic compound Cisco had used to design the tracking device. She looked around for where the chip could be on the bracelet to see if she could pull it out, but the bracelet appeared to be a "simple" bracelet and nothing more. It then occur to Caitlin that the metal itself was probably the tracking device. She bet Cisco had created his own sort of metallic element and made it traceable by energy. She was about 15 blocks away from Barry's apartment when she got to the bus station. The walk was no big deal, but she did wish she could use her ice surfing skills on the norm. It made things so much faster and so much more fun. Caitlin had managed to calm herself down on the long walk, but there were streaks of blonde in her hair. It was never good when she went full blonde, which had happened only about 6 times in the last 6 months. However, streaks of blonde didn't necessarily mean she was out of the woods for going full blonde. She just hoped nothing went wrong with the heist that night or she probably would end up going full Killer Frost.  
Once Ryan, Chris and Matilda had arrived they started going over how they were going to break into the apartment, where they thought the money would be hidden, and what problems might put them in danger. It was 1 in the morning by the time they started to put their plan into action. Chris was able to make keys in under 5 minutes by using a mold, but if the door were not old fashioned Caitlin had discovered a way to work around a finger pad lock and if the lock was an electronic key then Caitlin usually froze off the handle. Caitlin really did never use her cold powers, but things like freezing off a lock was something she could have done with or without her powers. Once they got to Robert Cox's apartment, Matilda ran across the street to hide in the shadows with her phone so that she could alert the group if the police were coming or anything that could put the group in jeopardy. The lock appeared to be old fashioned and Chris went to work creating a temporary key from the special mold Caitlin had made them. Once Chris managed to get the door open, Caitlin had 30 seconds to disable the security system right next to the door. Then they quietly split into 3 directions looking at where the valuables and money could be hidden. Caitlin managed to find Robert Cox's wife's purse in a matter of minutes. She unzipped the bag to find the woman's wallet and right as she pulled it out something grabbed the wallet and her and she was gone from the room in a flash.  
All the sudden she felt her feet touch the ground and she was back at Barry's apartment looking at a very frazzled Barry while Caitlin herself was feeling very frazzled. "Barry!" Caitlin said.  
"Caitlin, what were you doing?" Barry asked. There was no point in lying to him. He had seen what she was doing with her friends. Her friends! He had left her friends and the police were probably on their way. She had prayed to God that her friends had aborted the mission and made a run to the bus station. Or worse! What if Barry had turned them in! "Where are my friends?" Caitlin asked ignoring Barry's initial question.  
"I didn't touch them Cait! What were you doing there?" Barry asked again.  
"What do you think I was doing there Barry?" Caitlin shot at him.  
"Cait, if I hadn't shown up and police had, you could have been arrested and I wouldn't have been able to save you!" Barry said exasperated.  
"I don't need you to save me Barry! How did you know where I was? The stupid tracking device you forced onto my wrist?" Caitlin asked. Barry looked away and then back at her "Obviously Cait, you were almost 25 blocks away from here and you don't think being out for almost 4 hours wouldn't have raised my concern or suspicions?" Barry asked.  
"This is such a breach of my privacy, Barry!" Caitlin yelled. "How can I trust you?"  
"Well, how can I trust you?" Barry through right back at her. "You lied to me, Cait". Barry had almost sounded as if he was broken or defeated. Caitlin had never meant to hurt him, but she had to do what she had to do to help people. She didn't want to tell Barry why she was stealing from wealthy people, because she didn't think it was any of his business. But, Barry looked so broken and hurt she felt that she needed to be completely transparent with him about the situation. "Barry, I steal from people because I have too" Cait said.  
"You don't have to steal from people Cait! I can provide for you! I can take care of you! What do you need the money for? A new car? I'll get you one. You want to live in an apartment by yourself? I'll find you one in this building! Cait, I love you. You don't need to resort to thieving to get what you want. New clothes? You got it. I'll get it for you!" Barry yelled with so much pain and desperation in his voice. Barry wanted to make her understand that she wasn't alone. That Barry knew how alone she must feel between losing Ronnie and never growing up with strong parental support. He wanted her to know that he would get her anything and he would take care of her, because he loved her. She and Cisco were as much his family as Joe, Wally, and Iris were. Barry would support her and love her no matter what!  
"That's what you think I steal money for? A car and some clothes?" Caitlin asked feeling angry that he could accuse her of being so materialistic when even Caitlin Snow was never that materialistic. "I don't know why you are stealing Cait, but you don't need too" Barry said.  
"Yes, I do" Caitlin responded.  
"Why?" Barry asked.  
"Because there are people who actually need that money!" Caitlin yelled.  
"Who? Your friends?" Barry asked.  
"No! I mean...yeah, they keep some of the money but not all of it! On an average heist we acquire about 10,000 dollars in cash. My friends only keep 3,000 and the rest go to people who are homeless, starving, or barley making ends meet." Caitlin explained. Barry seemed to be figuring out what Caitlin was trying to tell him.  
"So, you steal from the rich and give to the poor?" Barry asked for clarification.  
"Yes, Barry I am now a mix of two different people. On one hand I am Caitlin Snow, someone who has only ever tried to do good in the world no matter how crappy the world has treated her in return. On the other hand, I am Killer Frost and I don't care about anything or anyone but getting to break the rules and have fun with people. Robbing people satisfies my Killer Frost side and giving the money I steal to the poor satisfies my Caitlin Snow side. You are a hero, Barry. That is the last thing I need or really ever want to be, but you of all people should be able to understand the importance of helping those who are in need." Caitlin growled out. Barry seemed to look at Caitlin for a long time trying to figure out the best thing he could say to her. "You are a hero, Caitlin. There are other ways you can help the poor than by stealing from innocent people" Barry said.  
"Is there? I don't see any other solution! The government is a joke! These corporate assholes have more money on hand then they could ever possibly need. Like, I said on a good night we get away with 10,000 in cash. Some of these men make 10,000 dollars in an hour, some in 5, and others in day. 10,000 dollars is nothing to these people, but everything to an abused mother who is trying to get her and her child off the streets and into stable home where she can put food on the table!" Caitlin yelled. Barry once again seemed at a loss for words. "I can help you Cait. I can help you help these people" Barry said. "I have money. If you need me to write a check then I will write you a check. The stealing has got to stop though" Barry said looking her in the eye. Caitlin looked at him and gave another one her infamous Killer Frost sneers. "I don't want your money, Barry. I don't want the money of someone who already has given so much to this city. I want to take it from people who have never given anything to this city, because its their turn to pay up. You have saved this city time and time again. I don't want your money" Caitlin said. Barry shoo his head. "I just don't want anything to happen to you, Cait" Barry said.  
"How could it? You are tracking me 24/7 now. You won't let anything touch me Barry!" Caitlin said. Barry seemed to consider this and then he cracked a smile.  
"You're right. I wouldn't let anything touch you. I would be there to save you, before the police could even see your face." Barry said. "But, the same can't be said for your friends" he continued.  
"What do you mean?" Caitlin asked feeling unnerved, but trying to act like Barry didn't just make an ominous threat about her friends.  
"It means that if you and your "friends" are ever in trouble, I'll be there for you. Not them" Barry said.  
"Why would you do that? What makes you think they wouldn't sell me out?" Caitlin asked.  
"They're you supposed friends and I can testify on your behalf as a witness to whatever alibi we come up with" Barry said smiling at her in a tense.  
"What if I just decided to turn myself in?" Caitlin tested. Barry's tense smile dropped and he looked agitated for only a second, before he looked up at her again gave her another terse smile. "I am sure Cisco could make you a very comfortable bedroom in the pipeline at S.T.A.R labs" Barry said deadpanned. Caitlin looked at him surprise. "You wouldn't!" Caitlin exclaimed.  
"Oh, wouldn't I?" Barry responded smirking at her. "Listen, Cait. I love you and I won't let you or anyone else put you in harms way." Barry said.  
"Barry, I get it. You love and you care about me, but I don't understand why? I almost killed the love of your life! I helped Savitar! You should want to murder me, Barry! You and Iris and Wally and Joe and Cisco should all want me 6 feet underground for what I did!" Caitlin yelled.  
"Caitlin, this is so much more complicated then you can even begin understand." Barry said looked at her hardly. Caitlin just scoffed at him and looked down at the ground. "There is nothing complicated about hating someone who almost took your happiness away, Barry. We have both lost so much in our lives. Your mom died and so did my dad. Your father was put in prison and mother never left work. I lost Ronnie. Multiple times. You almost lost Iris. You don't have the anger that I have. You almost did and that is who Savitar was. You were nearly on the same level of grief and anger I was, but you got to save Iris. I couldn't save Ronnie. Not the first, second, third, or fourth opportunity I had. He died. If the only people I can save our the poor, then you need to let me and not interfere in anyway. I appreciate that even though I did all the horrible things I did you still care about me, but I don't deserve it. I won't get my happy ending like Iris and you will. I will only get to see others get their happy ending and that is the best thing I could hope for in my life right now" Caitlin said. Barry looked at her and then slowly approached her and grabbed her by the waist and looked into her eyes before he pulled her into a hug. "When I saw you die and Cisco and everyone attempt to resuscitate you. My world imploded, Cait. It imploded in the same way as when I watched Iris die in front of me" Barry said speaking over her head. "I won't let you be taken away from me like that ever again. Either to death or to prison." Barry said determined. Caitlin on the other hand had wrapped her arms around Barry taking in the hug he was giving her all the while unable to process the words he was saying to her.


	6. Lots to figure out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own The Flash, DC, or CW. I don't own the episodes that I have referenced in these past few chapters. I own nothing. None of the locations or characters except for the 3 I have made up so far.

Caitlin had no idea what to make of the moment she had shared with Barry last night. The only thing she fully was able to comprehend from the previous night was that Barry was telling her that she meant to him as much as Iris meant to him and she frankly had no clue what to do with information. Did that mean that he was in love with her? That he loved her like a sister? Just as a very valuable and important friend? She had no freaking clue. All she knew was that while there was an evil part in her she could not be the reason if something happened between Iris and Barry. She would not be the one to break them up. Last night after she had retired to her room she had stayed up thinking about kissing Barry. She would not turn Barry into some dirty cheater. She had kissed Barry twice and some shapeshifter that looked like Barry once. Ashamedly she had kissed back the shapeshifter back, but in her defense she wasn't seeing anyone at the time and neither was he. Regardless, the other two times she had kissed Barry it did not count. The first time was when she was first starting to actually transform into Killer Frost and she had tried to kill him. She wasn't actually sure if she would have gone through with killing him if Cisco hadn't stopped her. When Killer Frost was in control of her body and actions the Caitlin Snow part of her was so suppressed that she had no control except for the constant internal crying and screaming that both Caitlin and Killer Frost had become masters of ignoring. So, the kiss of death she gave Barry did not count, but the second time she was kissed him wasn't with the intent to kill, but it also kind of was.  
Caitlin, Barry, Cisco, Julian, and Dr. Wells were trapped on Earth-2 and in order for one of them to get free from the cage Barry insisted one of them had to die. He obviously volunteered as were positive he was the only one who could do it, but in order for him to look dead to slow his heart rate down, Caitlin had to freeze him. "How is she going to freeze you without killing you?" Julian asked genuinely concerned that Caitlin was going to turn into Killer Frost the second she took off the necklace. "Her kiss of death." Cisco responded.  
"Kiss of death? What?" Julian asked looking between Cisco and Caitlin. Caitlin at the time did not want to do what Barry was implying she do. She knew she needed to get out of there with everyone alive and she knew that Barry would not suggest her using her powers unless it was necessary. Recently her powers had been quite necessary she had thought bitterly. "Caitlin? I need you to freeze me" Barry said approaching her and eventually standing in front of her. Caitlin looked at Cisco and Julian for help, but Cisco seemed to be giving her an urgent look and and Julian just looked lost. "What if I actually kill you?" Caitlin asked her voice cracking. She did not want to become Killer Frost and she did not want to kill Barry. "Caitlin!" Barry yelled now getting frustrated with her apprehension. Caitlin took a step back in shock. Barry and the rest of the team had been pushing her to use her power too many times and every time she took her necklace off like when she did it to save Iris she could feel Killer Frost stirring to get out. What if this put her over the edge like it almost did when she was helping Iris. Caitlin started feeling tears well up in her eyes "Barry, I-I am scared" Caitlin responded. Barry's eyes softened on Caitlin as he didn't mean to scare her, but they needed to get out of the cage before the did something to Cisco. Barry knew that using her powers stressed Caitlin out, but this had to be done. "Caitlin, you won't kill me okay?" Barry said completely up against the bars that separated his cage from hers. Caitlin looked at him and then looked around again weighing her options, but she knew she didn't have much time. She reluctantly pulled off her necklace and handed it to Dr. Wells who could not help himself by looking over the gadget. Barry leaned down and closed his and eyes and Caitlin kept her eyes open so that she could see what she was doing to him. She also wouldn't say it out loud, but she wanted to make sure the kiss stayed platonic for her sake, Iris's sake, and of course poor Julian who looked confused. She kissed him and before she could comprehend how brief the kiss was Barry's body had fallen to the floor.  
Either way, none of the kisses Caitlin had given to Barry while he was engaged or dating Iris counted and she would make sure there was no kiss shared between them that would make it count. When Caitlin had gotten back to her guest room her phone had about a million text and calls from her friends. She was glad to see that since that meant the cops hadn't caught them and locked them away. Her friends were demanding if she was okay and what should they do once they got back to the apartment. Caitlin had no idea what to tell Ryan, Chris, and Matilda. She could not tell them she was friends with the Flash. She could not tell them that, but they had wanted to know if that was who took her and quite a few of the texts and messages they left on her phone were specifically for Barry. She could not help but smile at the very threatening messages they had sent, but they were only human. If Barry had taken her away and locked her in the pipeline, her friends would have been useless to find her. She texted them back saying that Flash had caught her because he recognized her as Killer Frost, but she had made a deal with him to release her. She told them that if the Flash ever needed her to help him fight off a bad guy she would help in exchange for her and their freedom. They then got super upset saying that if Caitlin was helping the Flash then she wouldn't be helping them anymore. She told them that wasn't true and that she had to figure out what was going. Caitlin told them she would call the back once she figured out what her best course of action would be.  
After a long night Caitlin was now done getting dressed for work on a Saturday morning. There were no weekends for Team Flash, but they did get to sleep in. Caitlin had thought long and hard about what she was going to do to avoid Barry and avoid anything either romantic or awkward from happening between them. She decided that it would be for the best if she laid off doing the heists for a few weeks. Barry had taken very good care of Caitlin since he had gotten out of the speed forced. He deposited money into her account every week and it was very generous sum of money each week, but Caitlin barley touched the money. She didn't have to pay rent. She bought the bare minimum of groceries, because Iris always had the fridge and pantry stocked and told her to take whatever she wanted. Cisco had offered to take her car shopping all last week, but she told him that she preferred taking the bus. Cisco had then asked when was the last time she took the bus since living with Barry and him flashing her everywhere and all. Caitlin just shrugged and said even if Barry wasn't around a bus always would be. So, with Caitlin and her group needing to keep a low profile she would have to dig into her savings accounts and give what she could each week. She did feel like the money in her account was actually Barry's, but she was working for him so Caitlin had decided at least a solid fourth of what was in her account was money that she had earned fair and square. Caitlin had also decided that in order for everyone to stop walking on eggshells around her she would need to quit being a jerk to them. Yes, she was mad that Barry and Cisco walked into her life as if they got a say in it, but treating them badly in return was not going to get her where she wanted with them. She just wanted to rob wealthy, unworthy people and give their money to impoverished worthy people that had a bad hand in life like she had.  
Caitlin had gone downstairs where as usual Iris and Barry had made a huge breakfast. Barry needing to eat 10,000 calories a day, so that was usually the culprit for Iris and him making such humongous breakfasts. "Smells and looks good! Mind if I have some?" Caitlin asked. Barry and Iris both looked at her like she had grown two heads and Caitlin just gave them an awkward "waiting on your reply" smile. "Oh my goodness! Of course! Come sit down Cait!" Iris said gesturing to the chair across from her. Caitlin took the seat across from Iris and Barry was now sitting in between them. Caitlin tried to ignore how perfectly awkward the set up at the table was and she and Iris started chatting. Iris decided to share all of Cisco's best little moments and one liners since Caitlin had left. Caitlin could not help but laugh at all the things Iris was sharing about Cisco when she noticed Barry was looking over at her. "What?" Caitlin asked still coming down from her laugh.  
"It's just that I haven't heard you laugh in almost a year" Barry said smiling looking at her. "It's a nice laugh". Barry was not wrong. She had died almost a year ago and became Killer Frost. Killer Frost's laugh was not Caitlin Snow's laugh. Caitlin certainly had not been cheery since she had gotten Barry out of the speed force. However, its not as if this was the first time she had felt joy in a year. She experienced joy with her group of friends who she was getting to see a lot less frequently since she started working at S.T.A.R labs with everyone. Iris then told Caitlin how he kept pizza pockets and Jello stocked in the fridge at S.T.A.R labs in hopes that when Caitin came back she would at least be happy her had bought all her favorite stuff. However, Cisco managed to eat through all the food he bought by Tuesday night with the help of Barry.  
Caitlin had decided that she needed to start getting along better with Cisco. Caitlin had been cold to him and he didn't deserve it even though he totally deserved it. She just felt so bad for him, because Caitlin and Cisco were like siblings at one time and she knew he wanted to get back to that relationship dynamic. Caitlin wasn't so sure Cisco would be impressed with the hybrid Caitlin had become. Caitlin still had malice in her soul and therefore she would never be the Caitlin that Cisco once knew. At around 3 in the afternoon Joe asked everyone he could take them out to lunch. Caitlin knew this was another test she could pass if she accepted his invitation, but she really needed to stay away from Barry. Even if Iris was there she still felt as if she was intruding on them or something by being there. "Actually, I am going to go to CC Jitters and work on this formula for the metas that have gas emissions" Caitlin said and then turned to Cisco "Do you want to come?" Caitlin asked. Cisco and everyone seemed surprise by the invitation she had given Cisco. In their defense she had been going to lunch every day by herself never wanting to eat at the lab or anyone in it. Cisco responded fairly quickly once he was done being shocked by Caitlin's invite "Yes! Of course! I would love too!" He exclaimed turning back to Joe and Barry "You don't mind do you?" he asked.  
"No, no of course not. Go on!" Joe said gesturing for them to go.  
"Thanks Joe" Caitlin said. "I don't mean any disrespect but I thought maybe you guys could go out as a family and Cisco and I could catch up" Caitlin said genuinely. Caitlin then looked at Barry who was giving her a terse smiled, but seemed to be okay with it.  
Barry was a little jealous that Caitlin had wanted to invite Cisco to lunch, but not him. Caitlin and him had shared a moment the night before and while it had only been a few hours since it was starting to feel awkward. They didn't do anything, because he would never cheat on Iris no matter what. However, Barry wasn't sure what to do. He did not want to break up with Iris for Caitlin, but there were certain things that made the situation so much more complicated then it needed to be. When Barry had gone into the speed force he had seen everyone's futures without him. The only future that was unbearable to watch was Caitlin's. Iris had moved on and married someone else and she was happy. Cisco moved to another earth to be with Gypsy and he was happy. Joe had remarried and became a devoted grandfather and he was happy. Wally had also moved to another earth to be with Jessie and he was happy. Caitlin was murdered by her husband in front of her children. Barry having to witness her murder a million times over made it so that Barry felt more protective of her. He didn't know when he started feeling what he did for Caitlin, but if he had to guess it was in the speed force. He was glad to see everyone else moved on to a happy life without him, because he didn't want his friends to be sad for all time. However, he couldn't save Caitlin and she had suffered the worse and now was his opportunity to make sure nothing like what he saw happened to her. He took her from the south side and from the bar. He moved her in with him and Iris and he was still afraid it wasn't enough. Barry had also seen the future Caitlin could have had with Ronnie and his future with Iris, but only one of those futures could ever possibly happen. Barry had reasoned in his head a million times that if he and Iris ended things she would still find someone who loved her as much as he and Eddie did. The same could not be said for Caitlin as her future was most uncertain now that he was back. Caitlin engaging in criminal behavior was terrifying to Barry, because that still meant her future could be in jeopardy. That could not happen. He needed to reason with her on finding a way to keep her Killer Frost side satisfied while also not putting her future in danger.  
Joe had taken everybody out to an Italian restaurant when Iris asked Barry what he had told Caitlin the night before. "What do you mean?" asked Barry.  
"C'mon Barry. She ate breakfast with us this morning. She finally asked Cisco if he wanted to get lunch with her. You had to have said something when you got home?" Iris said. Barry smiled at her and then looked at her skeptically.  
"How did you not hear? We were yelling?" Barry asked curious. Iris laughed in response.  
"Earplugs, Barry. You snore is as loud as thunder!" Iris laughed which also caused Wally and Joe to snicker in response.  
"Oh, that's right!" Barry laughed feeling a bit awkward talking about how Iris and him share a bed in front of Joe and Wally who were both totally okay with it.  
"So, Barr...what did you say?" Joe asked. Barry had to be very careful in responding, because the only person he planned on telling about Caitlin's thieving problem was Cisco. Joe was a cop and while he would never arrest Caitlin he might be curious as to who Caitlin's friends are. If Caitlin could get them to stop stealing them maybe the whole case could be dropped by Joe, but until then Joe was partially in charge of finding out who was breaking into wealthy Central City businessmen's homes and stealing from their and their wives wallets. Barry just told them that he told her he loved her, cared about her, and wanted her to be happy again. It wasn't exactly honest and it wasn't exactly a lie but Barry had a lot to figure out when it came to Caitlin.


	7. more to her story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own The Flash, The Arrow, DC, or the CW
> 
> The Arrow is mentioned in this chapter and may appear in later chapters. I honestly have no idea where I am going with this story. I am just going with the flow of whatever I feel life.

Cisco had offered to buy Caitlin her lunch, which as much as she told him he didn’t have to; he did. “Do you still get The Flash” Cisco asked her. Caitlin wanted to tell him no, because the truth was ever since she started going back to CC Jitters she hadn’t ordered “The Flash” like she used too. However, Caitlin was trying to prove that she had turned over a new leaf so she told Cisco that she would love CC Jitters signature coffee. Cisco decided to sit at his and Caitlin’s old table, which did not go unnoticed by Caitlin. “It’s been a long time since we sat here. Just the two of us.” Cisco said taking a sip of his coffee.  
“Yeah” Caitlin smiled kindly at him. “It has been”.  
“Cait, I have to ask. What made you want to do this?” Cisco asked gesturing at the space between them.  
“Is it so hard to believe that I missed you, Cisco?” Caitlin asked teasingly.  
“Yes, yes it is” Cisco said seriously, but with a hint of humor. Caitlin couldn’t help but laugh at his brutal honesty. “But for real, Caitlin. What’s with the change of heart?” Cisco asked eyeing her. Caitlin just looked down at the table with a smile on her face before she looked up and into his eyes. “I wasn’t being fair to you, but in my defense you weren’t being fair to me.” Caitlin said. Cisco nodded his head in agreement.  
All the sudden a deafening blast shattered the windows and door of CC Jitters. The blast was so strong that it threw Caitlin and Cisco out of their chairs and onto the floor. People were screaming and searching for cover and a place to hide from whatever had just destroyed CC Jitters. Cisco had crawled over to her and was asking her if she was okay, but Caitlin could not hear him, because she was too busy staring at who had just walked into the building. “Caitlin!” Cisco yelled trying to get her attention and now trying to pull her up from the floor. Cisco had managed to grab a hold of her arms and lift her from the ground and was checking her over for injury. However, Caitlin was still staring wide eyed at the man who was giving her a cruel smirk. Justin Price. Justin Price had a strong build and was a genius by all accounts, but he was not a meta-human “Caitlin! We need to go!” Cisco yelled at her over the people who were still screaming and attempting to rush out of the building. “There you are, Frost. I’ve been looking for you.” Justin Price said beginning to approach her and Cisco, but not before a certain speedster raced into the building and blocked his path to them. “Who are you?” Barry demanded standing between this mysterious man and his friends all the while holding up a hand ready to throw him outside the building on a second’s notice. The guy looked at Barry curiously before looking over to Caitlin, “Frost, are you friends with the Flash?” Justin asked her with humor and curiosity in his voice.  
Barry whipped his head to look at Caitlin who still appeared stunned to see this man standing before her. “Frost!” the man yelled trying to snap her out of her trance from seeing him. Caitlin finally jumped out of her trance looking at Barry and then back at Justin “No” Caitlin said sounding fearful. Barry then looked back at the man and glared at him.  
“I asked you who you are?” Barry growled out. Justin who was still staring at Caitlin gave his attention back to Barry and smirked.  
“I won’t lie, Flash. If you guys are friends, I am a bit hurt she didn’t tell you about me. Also, Frost you looked better as a blonde” the man said. “Answer me!” Barry said getting more and more agitated with the man’s aversion to his question.  
“I’m Justin Price. Frost and I started something 6 months ago and now I need her to come help me finish it” He said turning to Caitlin and staring at her intently. “What do you mean?” Cisco asked finally piping into the conversation. It was now just the 4 of them in the destroyed coffee shop and Caitlin and Justin seemed to be in a stare down. Or at least Justin Price was staring her down. “You know I can’t do that.” Caitlin said to Justin.  
“Oh, why not, Frost? Because of the little deal you made with the Arrow?” Justin asked. At the mention of the Arrow’s name Barry turned to Caitlin. “What is he talking about?” Barry asked her. Caitlin looked at Barry with a loss of words not even knowing where to begin explaining her brief but interesting time with Justin in Star City. “She doesn’t answer to you, Flash” Justin said looking bored with how this conversation was going. “Oh, yeah and who does she answer to? You?” Cisco asked.  
“As a matter of fact, she does. Frost, we are leaving.” Justin said staring her down. Caitlin, however made no attempt at moving.  
“I can’t” Caitlin said.  
“Oh, yes you can. We need you and you will help us. Regardless of the Green Arrow and Flash. Now, lets go” Justin said.  
“She isn’t going anywhere with you.” Barry said. Justin looked between Barry, Caitlin, and Cisco.  
“How exactly do you know the Flash, Frost?” Justin asked.  
“I don’t!” Caitlin said adamantly. Cisco turned to her curiously, but did not question her answer.  
“Is that so? It seems like he knows you and it seemed like the Green Arrow knew you as well. I mean, Frost he had a wire around your neck and had every opportunity to slaughter you, but he didn’t. He even made a deal with you after you wreaked some serious havoc in Star city. Something doesn’t add up. As much as I would love to go into great detail with you, we don’t have time. It’s time to finish what we started” Justin said.  
“Justin, I was in Star City for a week. You can’t seriously think that I could help you with anything” Caitlin said adamantly.  
“Frost, you messed up. Big time. You are going to help us finish what we started” Justin said.  
“And I said she wasn’t going with you.” Barry said.  
“Frost, if you don’t help us. There will be consequences” Justin said ignoring Barry.  
“And consequences if I do.” Caitlin responded. Justin snickered at her and seemed to be growing more and more agitated with her.  
“Frost, the things we could do. Especially since I’ll forgive you if you help us. Don’t pass up on this because you are scared of a bow and arrow and some guy that can run fast”Justin said. Cisco laughed at his comment.  
“Run fast? That’s how you describe the Flash’s powers? Some guy that can run fast? That’s great!” Cisco said. Both Caitlin and Barry gave Cisco a warning look. Justin did not look amused. “How did the Arrow not get you?” Caitlin asked.  
“I have friends in high places. That can’t be said for our friends, Frost. We need you to help them and to finish the science. Then you are free to return back your precious sunny city.” Justin said.  
“By friends in high places you mean that you managed to leave no trace, because you did absolutely nothing” Caitlin pushed back.  
“What science?” Cisco asked looking at Caitlin who just looked ready for a fight, but also extremely tired.  
“He’ll kill me.” Caitlin continued ignoring Cisco.  
“I don’t care. You will help us, Frost. You put them there in the first place after all.” Justin said bitterly.  
“I tried to bargain for their freedom even after everything you did to me!” Caitlin yelled.  
“You didn’t try hard enough you selfish bitch!” Justin yelled at her.  
“What we were doing wasn’t going to help people!” Caitlin yelled! “You lied to me, tricked me, and drugged me!”  
“Oh, quit acting as if you are a good guy, Frost. You were freezing things all over the city left and right just for the fun of it” Justin said. “That’s not true and you know it. You recruited me to help you do research on a drug to help people during a tumultuous time in my life and then you had me and your “friends" do you bidding for a week! All the while you were drugging me so I wasn’t even aware of all the horrible things I was doing. That’s probably why you aren’t on the Green Arrows radar! We did everything for you!” Caitlin said finally finding her back bone when it came to Justin.  
For the longest time Caitlin had been afraid to acknowledge what happened in Star City. After Caitlin had left Barry and the rest of the team she met Justin Price, by chance. However, the longer she knew Justin the more she could recognize that their meeting probably had not been by chance. He had seen Killer Frost while he was in Central City sharing his research on a specific drug that would help people “focus”,with some of his colleagues. Justin said he did not want to turn her into the police, but bring her to Starling City to become one of his test subjects. Caitlin had told him that she had a science background and could help him with the drug, but she would not be his test subject. He agreed, but the second they got to Star City, he introduced her to his team, gave her his guest room in his 3 bedroom apartment and immediately started drugging her. It was a drug that was essentially mind control. The person felt no serious side effects from the drug, but if they were asked to do anything they would do it without a second thought. Justin had control of Caitlin for a week before the Green Arrow trapped her and recognized her. Oliver had threatened to escort her back to Central City himself and have her locked up in the pipeline, but after she told him she honestly had no idea why she was doing what she was doing they tested her blood. They had found high levels of Justin’s drug in her system, and she told Oliver and the rest of his team that she hadn’t been taking his drug willingly. Caitlin had tried to bargain freedom for the rest of Justin’s team believing them to be just as drugged as she was, but Oliver denied her the request. He told her to leave town and not return and that he was only sparing her life, because of Barry. He told her she was dangerous with or without the drug and that he knew what Killer Frost was capable of. He told her his city had enough problems as is and she would not be on his list, because if she ever returned without Barry he would have no choice but to put her 6 feet under. Oliver had managed to take down Justin’s team, but Justin had escaped without a trace as to where he was. He had left nothing behind and had even managed to avoid Felicity’s facial recognizing software.  
Caitlin had returned to Central City, managed to control her powers better and started working at the bar trying to forget her time in Star city. She should have known her time spent in Starling City was going to catch up to her eventually. She did not want to help Justin with the science of the drug, return to Star city, or help his team escape wherever Oliver had put them. “Frost, come here” Justin said looking at her. Caitlin didn’t know what to do, but something in his voice indicated he wasn’t going to hurt her; yet. Caitlin started to approach him, but Caitlin caught her wrist and looked at her with concern. “Don’t Ca-“ Cisco started but stopped when he realized that Justin might not know her identity. Which to be fair, he didn’t know her real name. He had never cared enough to ask her, even when he had control over her. “It’s fine” Caitlin said. Caitlin was about to approach him when Barry put his arm out in front of her. “No.” Barry said looking at her hardly.  
“Move.” Caitlin bit out. Caitlin and Barry had seemed to be staring each down when she decided to push past his arm and approach Justin. “What?” Caitlin asked. Justin looked at Barry and then leaned down into Caitlin’s ear.  
“Here’s the deal, Caitlin. Yes, I know your real name, because neither one of us are stupid. The Flash is gonna have me pinned in 3 seconds flat the second I try to leave.” Justin said. Justin then discreetly grabbed her hand and place something that felt like paper in her and hand pushed her away. Justin then turned to Barry. “I am assuming you are not going to let me go?” Justin asked. In a flash, both Barry and him were gone. A few seconds later Barry returned to CC Jitter empty handed. “Caitlin, we are going to talk. And we are going to talk now” Barry said looking at her hardly.


	8. Just the beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't own The Flash, CW, or DC.

Barry flashed Caitlin and Cisco back to the apartment, so that Barry and Cisco could start asking some serious questions. “What happened in Star city?” Barry asked. Caitlin looked between Barry and Cisco trying to think of the briefest answer she could give. She still had the paper that Justin gave to her tucked away in her hand. One part of her screamed to show the guys and the other part of her told her to wait and see what the thing was before she handed it over to Barry and Cisco. It may be incredibly selfish of her, but she couldn’t risk them finding out until she knew what Justin was trying to tell her. In the mean time, Caitlin still had to focus on portraying her whole new attitude about working with Team Flash better.  
“I won’t lie. I could have made better choices” Caitlin started.  
“Yeah, no lie. But what the hell happened in Star city?” Cisco asked.  
“Umm, well there was this guy” Caitlin started.  
“Caitlin, faster” Barry said.  
“We can’t all be as fast as you, Barry” Caitlin shot back. Barry gave her a scathing look as now was not the time to test his patience when it came to Caitlin and her Killer Frost business. “Caitlin, focus” Cisco said.  
“Fine, there was this guy. Justin. He’s the guy we met and well, he was or is a scientist and he wanted to take me in as a test subject for this focus drug thing he was supposedly making, I refused, and he tested me anyway. I did some bad shit, yada yada yada you know the whole thing and Oliver caught me. Threatened to kill me, lock me up, and told me to stay away unless I was with Barry, and I left” Caitlin explained.  
“How did he drug you and what did he drug you with?” Barry asked.  
“Well, I said no to being his test subject, but I told him I was a scientist and that I could help him make the drug” Caitlin said.  
“And?” Cisco asked said.  
“And it turned out he had made this mind control drug and he was putting it in my drinks” Caitlin said. “In fact, he never even needed my help!”  
“Caitlin!” Cisco said annoyed at her calmness.  
“So, what does he want with you? What did he say to you?” Barry said.  
“That he knew my name and knew that you were gonna speed him to a cell” Caitlin said.  
“That’s it?” Barry asked.  
“Yep” Caitlin said looking between Barry and Cisco feeling all the sudden she was in the principals office. “Can I go to bed? I am pretty tired”. Barry and Cisco did not think they had enough answers, but they nodded their heads and Caitlin walked past them to her room. “We should go talk to him.” Cisco said. Barry nodded at Cisco and then speeded them both to S.T.A.R labs.  
Barry set Cisco down once they got in front of the cell that Barry had locked Justin Price in. Barry walked over to the palm scan, put his mask back on, and turned off the complete lockdown so that he could talk face to face with Justin Price. Justin Price was sitting in the back of the cell smirking to himself when he looked up and saw Barry and Cisco. “Hello, boys. Where’s Caity?” Justin asked. “You won’t be seeing her” Cisco said.  
“Oh, won’t I?” Justin asked.  
“You are going to stay away from here. We are calling the Green Arrow. He can do what he wants with you.” Barry said fairly dismissively. “You know, you guys shouldn't trust Caitlin right?” Justin price. This caught Barry and Cisco’s attention.  
“What do you mean?” Barry asked.  
“I mean, she is going to turn on you one of these days. Don’t take it personally when she does. She has to do what she has to do” Justin explained. “Do you know something we don’t” Cisco asked.  
“I know her.” Justin said.  
“Hardly, you lied to her and you drugged her. I wouldn’t say that makes you an expert.” Barry said.  
“Caitlin’s loyalty lies with me” Justin said.  
“In what universe? Actually scrap that, because I don’t want to visit that universe!” Cisco yelled.  
“Caitlin, has us. She won’t be privy to your influence anymore” Barry said.  
“We’ll see won’t we?” Justin said. Barry shook his head and used the palm scanner to put the cell in lock down so that he wouldn’t have to see him again. “We got zero answers.” Cisco said.  
“Sorry, he was pissing me off” Barry said. Cisco nodded his head in understanding.  
“I think he is wrong about Caitlin” Cisco said.  
“He is” Barry said.  
Caitlin held up the little bag of white powder and the note that Justin had gave her. "Come get me” the note had said. Caitlin was not going to drug her friends to help the guy, but at the same time the powder could come in handy. And what if Justin knew about her friends. He knew what her real name was after giving him a fake one for a week. Caitlin knew her thought process was incredibly crappy, but Caitlin had people she needed to look out for including Barry and Cisco, but she couldn’t drug them without hurting them. Caitlin through the bag on her bed and decided she needed to go for a walk to keep herself from getting too stressed.  
About 15 minutes after Caitlin left Iris walked through thee door calling out to see if Barry and Caitlin were home. She had spent some time at CCPD with her dad after Barry had raced off to CC Jitters. “Barry are you home?” Iris called out. Iris would have been worried if her gut hadn’t told her that he was just at S.T.A.R Labs. “Caitlin?” Iris asked. Iris knocked on Caitlin’s door and it swung open. “Caitlin?” Iris asked as she slowly stepped into the room that hadn’t changed much since she decorated it over a year ago. That is when Iris saw the little baggy full of white powder. “Oh my god” Iris said picking up the bag. “She is a coke addict?” Iris asked herself. Immediately, Iris called Barry to tell her what she had found on Caitlin’s bed. Barry speeded over with Cisco and looked over the bag with Cisco. “It sure looks like cocaine” Cisco said. Barry was a CSI and was almost sure that what they were looking at wasn’t cocaine, but with everything going on with Caitlin maybe she had resorted to drugs? Barry tracked Caitlin down with her GPS bracelet and saw that she had made her way to the south side. Barry decided it was best not too push her to far today by dragging her back. Especially if they were going to be questioning everything she had been doing for the past 6 months. Cisco, Barry, and Iris decided they would just confront her about everything that had happened in the past 6 months.  
Caitlin walked back into the house 3 hours later soaked from the rain. She had visited her friends, but it was raining by the time she had gotten off the bus back in central city. When she walked into the apartment Barry was standing in front of Iris and Cisco who were on the couch. “Hey, guys?” Caitlin said quizzically as to why they looked so serious. Iris shot up from the couch and look towards Caitlin apologetically. “Listen, Caitlin I was not snooping on you. It was just on the bed and your door opened up and it was hard not to see it” Iris explained quickly. Caitlin was not an idiot by any stretch, however today was the day she recognized that she was in fact an idiot. “Oh…” Caitlin started feeling unsure with what to say.  
“Are you snorting cocaine?” Cisco asked holding up the baggy of white powder. Caitlin thought about her answer and figure maybe snorting cocaine was the less evil compared to telling them it was the mind control drug she was asked to spike their drinks with. “Uh..yes?” Caitlin asked very uncertainly. “No, she’s not.” Barry said grabbing the powder from Cisco.  
“Well, I did try it.” Caitlin said trying to deflect from Barry’s comment.  
“You did?” Cisco asked.  
“It was insane. It was like all those years I went to med school were wasted by that one horrible decision” Caitlin said.  
“Caitlin!” Barry yelled getting her attention. Caitlin turned to him and gave him a small smile. “What is this?” Barry asked. Caitlin took a deep breath and decided to just be honest. Barry was a CSI he could test the drug if he wanted. If she was being honest she was shocked that he hadn’t tried to test it yet. “It’s Justin’s drug” Caitlin said.  
“How did you get it?” Barry asked.  
“He gave it to me” Caitlin said.  
“To do what with it?” Barry asked.  
“To give to you” Caitlin whispered.  
“Caitlin!” Cisco yelled.  
“What? I didn’t give it to you!” Caitlin shouted back at him.  
“Were you?” Cisco asked.  
“No!” Caitlin responded.  
“Then why didn’t you tell us you had this?” Barry asked.  
“Because, I had to weigh my options” Caitlin explained.  
“Options? What is that supposed to mean?” Barry asked.  
“I mean that I just didn’t want to involve you this!” Caitlin.  
“Well, you are done with that, Caitlin. You are done with the lying, the secrets, the silence. You don’t get to keep things from us anymore.” Barry said.  
“Who gives you that right to decide that?” Caitlin said getting angry. When Caitlin got angry that was never a good thing. She needed to decrease her heart rate or risk going full Killer Frost on the team. They all knew she still had Killer Frost in her, but they hadn’t seen her transform into full Killer Frost since she was with Savitar. “Caitlin, you can’t keep lying to us.” Barry said calmly.  
“I can do what I want.” Caitlin said her teeth grinding together. Her eyes were starting to flash blue.  
“Caitlin?” Cisco asked wearily.  
“I need a minute.” Caitlin said turning to walk out of the room, but not before Barry could touch her shoulder gently. Barry had meant no harm and only wanted to let her know that he was there for her when she was ready to talk, but Caitlin was too far gone. Her hair started full on changing blonde. Her lips turned blue. And she grabbed a hold of Barry arm and flipped him over her and onto the floor. Iris screamed and backed out of her way. Cisco was trying to remain calm, but his hands were up and ready to vibe her in a seconds notice. “Nice to see you again” Killer frost smirked looking down at Barry. Barry quickly stood up and put himself in a defensive pose. “Caitlin?” Barry asked confused.  
“Oh, you guys still think I’m Caitlin? I am not Caitlin” Killer Frost growled out.  
“What are you talking about? Of course you are Caitlin.” Cisco said.  
“No, I am Killer Frost. What did you guys do to stress her out?” Killer Frost asked.  
“What do you mean?” Barry asked.  
“Well, I am only able to come out of Caitlin when she is scared, stressed, panicked, threatened and whatever else high adrenal situations she gets herself into” Killer Frost. All the sudden her eyes flashed brown and she started keeling over to the ground. “Damn it, Caitlin!” Killer Frost yelled. Before Barry, Cisco, and Iris, Killer Frost turned back into Caitlin who was sitting on the floor breathing heavily. “Caitlin?” Barry asked crouching down by her. There were tears in Caitlin’s eyes as she looked up at Barry and then Cisco and Iris. “I can’t do this.” Caitlin said starting to  
“Caitlin” Barry said gently grabbing her hand and pulling her into a hug. Caitlin fell into Barry’s embrace and started sobbing into his chest. Caitlin had been experiencing so much pain she did not know how to deal with her feelings. Having to maintain control of her emotions for so long had been making her weak. But, being locked in Killer Frost was hell. All she wanted was to live her life without fear of hurting the people she loved. She had worried about all the times she could have turned on Chris, Ryan, or Matilda. Now, she had turned on Barry, Cisco, and Iris and all her emotions were coming out from the months of holding all ofKiller Frost in.  
Caitlin was holding on to Barry while Cisco and Iris looked on her sympathetically. Barry pulled her even further into his body and moved the hair out of her face. Eventually her sobs fell silent and it appeared as if Caitlin had cried herself to sleep. Cisco went to pick her up, but Barry shook his head no and picked her up himself and gently carried her into her room and laid her on the bed.  
When Caitlin woke up she remembered everything that had happened and wanted to kick herself for appearing so weak in front of Barry, Cisco, and Iris. What none of them, not even her friends understood was how hard it was having Killer Frost inside her. While, Caitlin had mastered the art of keeping Killer Frost’s cries for freedom silent it was still hard for her to keep her suppressed when she was stressing out. Caitlin felt like everything was hopeless. Caitlin had to work about Justin, Team Flash, her friends from the south side and that wasn’t even the beginning of all her troubles with the rogues.


End file.
